Talk yourself Assertive for 2104!

Do you ever find that what you say to yourself undermines what you say to others? That your inner dialogue cuts the rug from under your feet when you are trying to be assertive? If so, you are not alone. Many people have negative self talk. Luckily, even if you’ve had it your whole life, you can change it. Let’s look at some examples:

Positive self-talk

‘Now, let’s see, what’s the best way to do that?’

‘I made a mess of that, how can I sort it out?’

‘Hmm, I look okay in this.’

Negative self-talk

‘It’s hopeless, I’ll never finish this on time.’

‘I messed that up, I’m a complete idiot.’

‘I look so fat in this outfit, I hate my body.’

Signs of negative self-talk

*  feeling like a victim

*  using ‘universal’ words such as ‘everyone’, ‘no-one’, ‘always’, ‘never’

*  using commanding words such as ‘should’, ‘must’, ‘have-to’

*  excessive worry and/or guilt

*  telling yourself off

*  dwelling excessively on old hurts

If you find yourself using negative inner-dialogue, don’t blame yourself. That would just be more negative self-talk. Be compassionate to yourself. Speak to yourself in a kindly tone. Gently acknowledge the thought –  ‘Oh, there’s that negative thought again.’

Now ask yourself ‘What would be more helpful to think?’ or ‘What would a more positive person think?’

Try out the thought for size. Say it to yourself as if it were true. Relax your body as you do so. Repeat this often enough and you will weaken the hold the negative self-talk has on you, increase your confidence and therefore enhance your ability to be more assertive.

What would you like to know about being assertive? Leave a message at the bottom of this page and I will do my best to help.

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